August 18, 2005

It's Raining...

A hilarious Gmail moment unfolds. Or is it just me?

It's just me.

Posted by Nicklas at 09:29 PM | Comments (0)

August 09, 2005

Amazon and eBay faeces merchants?

Posted by Nicklas at 11:35 AM | Comments (0)

June 05, 2003

Beat the Boolean filters with poetry.

Awaiting me this morning when I opened up my email, In a spam message entitled "Get your own fountain of youth! " , touting black market growth hormone, this little verse was hiding:

hasten assentator flatterer sycophant yes-man. balneator keeper of a bathhouse. calx the heel/ stone pebble/ lime/ goal aim. carcer prison cell jail dungeon.

Any attempt at an analysis of this poem is welcome.

Posted by Nicklas at 09:35 PM | Comments (2)

May 27, 2003

Searching for Alice Cooper

I was looking for something else.
After entering the search string "Alice Cooper" in my email client, I found this mid-thread email from 1997.
Now, six years later, when the context is largely forgotten, the email takes on an almost poetic lunacy, and I felt obliged to share it, spelling mistakes and all, with you, dear reader.

My Lady,


> ah, a Kaiser Solseg of the heavy metal world, 
> tell me more, did he work
> with Alice Cooper or Ozzy Osbourne during the 70's 
> - this hint may be all i need.....

Alice Cooper got his name from a witch, burned on the stake a few houndred years ago. Milton Svarfega got his name from two superb cleaning products, Milton (a sterilization liquid for the catering buisness) and Swarfega (A heavy duty hand cleanser) And that will be the end of this matter [?]

> > Could we from now on, to avoid unnecessary confusion, and maybe blodshed,
> > referf to ir as " the kebab incident" 
> yes.

Or "The Doner Dilemma"?

> Hush, you! I've purchased some for dear Margaret which i thought were
> appropriate. don't tell a soul, but you shall have some shortly.
> And yes, I suppose you can't hang a magnet on the underground entrance to
> the larder or root cellar, now can you?

Ah! exiting news! I wont tell, of course. Silent as the grave, or the brick wall, as one might say. And you can't house a leprechaun in a fridgefreezer, were a larder makes a splendid habitat for said gnometype creature. And we, with our imperialistic glasses on, see this as underdevelopment or retardization.

and who is
> marcus garvey
?

Any relation to A.C. Swinburne?

I will be your
Magdalena

Posted by Nicklas at 11:50 PM

May 09, 2003

Equipment Needed

This unsolicited mail bounced into my Spam mailbox a few minutes ago.
Can you help Cecelia?

From: "Cecelia Hancock"  <nic@dalo.com>
Subject: Needed Equitment s  zbrwkuqkirf
Date: Fri, 09 May 03 21:51:34 GMT
X-Priority: 1
X-MSMail-Priority: High

Greetings,

We need a vendor who can offer immediate supply.
I'm offering $5,000. US dollars just for referring a vender which is
(Actually RELIABLE in providing the below equipment) Contact details of
vendor required, including name and phone #. 
If they turn out to be reliable in supplying the below equipment I'll immediately pay you $5,000. 
We prefer to work with vendor in the Boston/New York area.

1. The mind warper generation 4 Dimensional Warp Generator # 52 4350a series wrist watch with z60 or better memory adapter. If in stock the AMD Dimensional Warp Generator module containing the GRC79 induction motor, two I80200 warp stabilizers, 256GB of SRAM, and two Analog Devices isolinear modules, This unit also has a menu driven GUI accessible on the front panel XID display. All in 1 units would be great if reliable models are available
2. The special 23200 or Acme 5X24 series time transducing capacitor with built in temporal displacement. Needed with complete jumper/auxiliary system
3. A reliable crystal Ionizor with unlimited memory backup.

If your vendor turns out to be reliable, I owe you $5,000.

Email his details to me at: powercrystals@firemail.de
Please do not reply directly back to this email as it will only be bounced back to you.

Thanks

Posted by Nicklas at 04:03 PM | Comments (9) | TrackBack

May 06, 2003

Whatever happened to Lamprey Systems?

“I gripped the pillow with my teeth and jerked my neck back and forth like one of Jerry’s Kids on bad acid. Saliva drooled from my mouth like water from a firehose. The rush of jism racing up my tube seemed to last for stroke after stroke until sacred Clitoria gasped, grunted, and pushed me from on top of her. “

Six years ago I received an email, several pages long, containing an explicit tale named “The Greek Inside Me” - this was my first encounter with PGP - the Application by Lamprey Systems that turned you 68k Mac into an instant filth generator.

Today I get sent the same story - the Librarian is dusting out his trusty old Powerbook, faithfully serving in it’s tenth year.

Attempting to trace the whereabouts of the makers of this fine piece of software, I stumble upon the following links:
(Look out for an early appearance of bOING bOING, looking good, as ever.)

Comforting the Weird with Robert Carr of Lamprey Systems
HexOn Exon - bOING bOING DIGITAL
The Great Blasphemous Mac Games of ROBERT CARR — CATALOG!
Robert Carr of Lamprey Systems: Interview
Update: The Toy Server still have some of Lamprey Systems software available to download.

Posted by Nicklas at 10:30 PM

February 15, 2003

klassfest

The mailman delivered a letter this morning containing an invitation to my High School 15 year reunion.
On the back of the Comic Sans headed invite was a list with all the names and last known location of the people that made up class C, Bränbergsskolan

Most people had stayed put in Umeå. There was no indication of marital status or occupation, keeping some conversation topics for the big night, presumably.

I tried to find out more information on the organisers website, but accidently ended up on a hardcore porn site by erroneously typing .com instead of .se, and got distracted

Posted by Nicklas at 11:58 PM

January 31, 2003

I found this list today...

Looking for something completely different, I stumbled upon this. I have absolutely no recollection of writing it. But I'm sure I did.

• thank you for the music
• 28 bottles of beer on the wall
• steamroller
• botany
• monkeys months modems
• toupé
• were able to Kung Fu the woods

Posted by Nicklas at 11:34 PM

January 23, 2003

Is it a bear, or is it a monkey?

From a Japanese chocolate mushroom biscuit wrapper:

It's probably a racoon. It's also an OSX icon. Download and enjoy.

Posted by Nicklas at 10:15 PM

January 19, 2003

The Vanishing Book

I don't know how old I was, somewhere in my early teens.

I was staying in my grandparents house for a few days.

Late one evening my grandfather comes into the living room where me and my brother are watching television. He's got a book in his hand.

Since you're now post-pubescent you're ready to read the adventures of Emanuelle, he suggests with the phrase, "It's a good book", as he hands it over.

Later that night, I'm reading the book form cover to cover, discovering the art of turning pages using just one hand. On page 167 my grandmother walks in.

I quickly try to flatten the blankets and put the book to the side.

She says it's time to turn the lights out.

I wake up early the next morning, and look over to the bedside table where I put down the book the night before. It's no longer there. I never saw it again.

Curiously, my grandfather didn't ask for it back either.

Posted by Nicklas at 11:20 PM

January 13, 2003

Five years ago.

I found a whole bunch of ancient email this week.

Saved individually from PINE, these emails are a reminder of a simpler time, a time when late nights were spent drinking and covorting. The random excerpt that will follow alludes to a night spent with the remains of a bottle of Everclear. The names have been changed, etc.

Date: Mon, 16 Mar 1998 16:59:52 +0000

From: Nicklas Persson

To: J

Subject: Feltching

In-Reply-To:

Message-ID:

MIME-Version: 1.0

Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII

> Two things: 1. you mean there's still some left?

> 2. It would be if you put an umlaut above the "u".

The first thing H did when she entered our house that night was hiding the bottle so I could not use it. Mean. So there's still some left even now, because anyone that had some won't have some again. Unless they don't know what they're drinking. I usually spike my own drinks with it when I get really drunk, and then I pass out after vomiting all over the place. Saturday night was the party night and me and F played bartender for a good few hours, after which I rapidly got ever so drunk (I hadn't been sampling as I was working, you see) and tried to go to sleep in C and D's car (they were over for a few days. ) Appearently I promised I wouldn't drive anywhere if I only got the keys, I would just sleep in it! Then when they didn't let me do that, I went up to bed and when realizing I had to be sick I proceeded to do so out the window. P and D dragged me by the feet down to the toilet where this continued for a while. It was a good night. And we didn't get evicted.

What are you up to at the moment? any news about next year? Do you have a

major workproject(type-thing) to finish your year off with, or what's the set-up? Do you get your badge at the end of this and become a qualified librarian? Is this badge made out of tweed?

I am doing lithography now, grinded a stone today, hard work, but good for your bi- and triceps. Will be informing you on my progress.

Are you still going to Chicago tomorrow? Have a green beer for me. I am going down to dublin for the day, M is there already, she's got the week off. We might meet J, I'll say hello from you, pretending you sent a message.

Love, wish you were here, like an electronic pet in my pocket.

N

Posted by Nicklas at 11:50 PM

November 21, 2002

Oh, Creativity, Where Art Thou?

How does Mariah do it?

Posted by Nicklas at 08:28 PM

November 14, 2002

Found Notes

My Friend the Librarian writes:

It is the absence of context and the very minimal but sharp tone that

makes each one so powerful.

My brother sent me this one , found in a shared laundrette in his apartment block.

--- translation ---

You who don't clean the filter, you're an idiot.

Clean the filter after you're done and you will not be called idiot.

You're the idiot. Wash on your on (booked) time *dickhead*

We were booked between 10-13

19-22 existing sundays

You who are idiot and *dickhead* one must call you stopid alcoholics or you are

(88) *fuck you self* *self*

ps. show us who you are?

--- / translation ---

Posted by Nicklas at 09:12 PM

November 12, 2002

Drunken Monkey

I'm testing the system with the old favourite Drunken Monkey

"Hey baby! Come on over here! I juz want to talk to ya! Ah honey, you know I ain't been drinking. Bottle'z empty! Ain't nothin' for to drink! Now tell me all about yourself. I'm juz a li'l monkey wants to get to know ya better! (hic!) Come on, sugar! What's your sign? Ya like Gin Rummy? I'll bet ya like Gin Rummy. Sure ya do."

Posted by Nicklas at 09:40 PM