Q:

Dear Mr Mountie

What does the phrase “proud of the ground” (as in “the bunker access hatch sits approx. one meter proud of the ground”) mean?

Yours Truly

Ed

A:

Dear Ed

The word proud comes from the late Old English word prud or prute which probably heralds from the Old French prud which is an oblique case of the adjective prouz which means brave or valiant, and in turn comes from the Late Latin word prode, meaning advantageous.

As anyone who ever played a game of King of the Hill can attest, gaining height gives you an advantage over your enemy, in fact, height and advantage have been pretty much synonymous even before the invention of the Machicolation. Hence, the phrase “proud of the ground” refers to height, or advantage; the quality of having a superior or more favourable position.

Yours Truly

Mr Mountie


Q:

Dear Mountie

If you answer this question I’ll believe that you are indeed a fellow Mountie:

What’s the correct name for your high brown boots?

Hint… They are named after a real British Lord.

Possibly “The Real Mountie”

A:

Dear Possibly

Although once, on a journey through Labrador he survived on a diet of Moss, Donald Alexander Smith known as Lord Strathcona and Mount Royal was a great Empire-builder of the Victorian era, and one of the founders of the Dominion of Canada. Throughout his life he most worthily adhered to his ancestral motto, “Stand fast.”

From none of his herculean enterprises did he emerge so triumphantly as from the stupendous task of building and financing the Canadian Pacific Railway, whose completion was signalized by the ringing blows on that spike in the rocky gorge of the Canadian Craigellachie. None, that is, apart from the inspiration for the conception, design and manufacture of the Strathcona High-Brown Police Boot that distinguishes the RCMP from any other police force in the world, be they mounted, or not.

Yours Truly

Mr Mountie


Q:

OH WISE AND WITTY MOUNTIE,

IM 51 YEARS OLD DIVORCED SINGLE WOMAN AND FOUND FOR THE FIRST TIME A BUDDING DEEPENING LOVE FOR ANOTHER WOMAN ALSO OF MY AGE WHOS ALSO DIVORCED SINGLE AND A FWB.

OH THE WOE OF BEING A CHRONE AND YET THE WISDOM OF KNOWING THE SECOND FIRST TIME AROUND IT IS TRUE LOVE.

SHOULD I TELL HER OR JUST LEZ BE FRIENDS.,

PENNYROYALE

A:

Dear PennyRoyale

When you say FWB, do you mean Front Wheel Break or Fort Walton Beach? I feel the answer to your question depends wholly on wether you’re referring to an automobile component or a city on the Emerald Coast of northwest Florida.

Since it has taken me over 14 months to answer your question (I have been otherwise engaged, for which I apologise) I will waste no more of your time and provide an answer for each particular scenario;

a) When you’re referring to your budding love as a “Front Wheel Break” you are betraying a fear of a most primeval archetype - Newton’s first law tells you that an object wants to keep going in a straight line until acted on by an external force. Improperly modulating the force applied on a Front Wheel Brake has the effect of bringing your “velocipede” to a sudden and impromptu stop, shifting you, the rider to the front with a momentum that will aviate you past the handlebars, making you crash to the ground with some force.

On the other hand,

b) Likening your beau to a north-western city of Florida, favoured by retirees in loud acrylic shirts set on spending their remaining days in a humid climate, only ever disturbed by the odd hurricane warning on the local cable channel, evidences a fear that what you might have going at the moment will be either too mild-mannered, or, according to some theorists, not mild-mannered enough.

Regardless, I suggest checking the all-caps key on your computer. It seems to be a bit stuck.

Yours Truly

Mr Mountie


Q:

Dear Mountie

Why is Good Friday called Good Friday?

Yours etc.

Gordon

A:

Dear Gordon

The Good part of the Good Friday is peculiar to the English Language. Other languages refer to this particular day as the Mourning or Long Friday. Some scholars think that due to a mix-up with the o’s Good Friday originally was the somewhat more pious God Friday, but there is no conclusive proof to back up this point.

Good Friday does have a particular dilemma attached to it as it presupposes a knowledge of the outcome of the particular events that may or may not have occurred on this day. Although retrospective naming of specific events aren’t unusual, giving away the ending is never a great idea, which is why we prefer the somewhat less tell-tailing vendredi de pâques

Yours Truly

Mr Mountie


Q:

Dear Mountie

What does it mean when he doesn’t call back?

Fairtradefloozy

A:

Dear Floozy

You should always assume that the lack of an incoming call would be due to a persistent, abnormal, and unwarranted fear of telephones from the other party. However, there are many other reasons than extreme fear or avoidance of using the telephone as to why someone would not return your call, including, but not limited to; innumeracy, lack of hands, washing of the hair, chronic narcolepsy and the closure of the specific residential telephone account.

Yours Truly

Mr Mountie



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