Dear Mountie
What does it mean when he doesn’t call back?
Fairtradefloozy
A:Dear Floozy
You should always assume that the lack of an incoming call would be due to a persistent, abnormal, and unwarranted fear of telephones from the other party. However, there are many other reasons than extreme fear or avoidance of using the telephone as to why someone would not return your call, including, but not limited to; innumeracy, lack of hands, washing of the hair, chronic narcolepsy and the closure of the specific residential telephone account.
Yours Truly
Mr Mountie
Dear Mountie
Is it true that you can have oral sex with a anteater?
Charlie
A:Dear Charlie
Although Vermilingus is not a speciality subject of mine, I can assure you that the anteater, the aardvark, the numbat, the echidna, and the pangolin are examples of species that, although their tongue can be flicked up to 150-160 times a minute, really implores you to think really carefully about the difference between ‘could’ and ‘should’.
Yours Truly
Mr Mountie
Mountie, are you homosexual?
I just find many of you answers so witty and insightful and it is rare that something so wonderful comes from the mind of a straight man. Or perhaps I am completely wrong, perhaps you are a woman. Do they have women mounties?
Gay Here To
A:Dear Gay Here To
They do, in fact, women have made significant contributions to the RCMP over the years serving as wives, civilian and regular members.
On May 23, 1974 RCMP Commissioner M.J. Nadon made an announcement that the RCMP would begin accepting applications from woman for regular police duties.
Since 1975 women have made considerable progress. For example, in 1981 the first female was promoted to corporal and the first females served on the Musical Ride.
The Musical Ride, performed by a full troop of thirty-two riders and horses, consists of the execution of a variety of intricate figures and cavalry drill choreographed to music. Demanding utmost control, timing and coordination, these movements are formed by individual horses and riders, in two’s, four’s and eight’s at the trot and at the canter.
Yours Truly
Mr Mountie
Dear Mountie
I find cyber sex to be a painful experience. I always get my scrotum caught in the keyboard. Please give me advise.
Andrew
A:Dear Andrew
“Advice” is the noun, “advise” the verb. When The Mountie advises people, he gives them advice.
Yours Truly
Mr Mountie
Dear Mountie
What am I doing now?
Sarah
A:Dear Sarah
Are you building coordination, grace, strength, and flexibility by discovering the joy of organic dance?
Are you mastering milking with right hand while left hand holds receptacle? Are you reducing tibiofemoral compressive loads to diminish your menisci damage by cycling backwards?
Are you building an extremely dangerous bottle rocket inspired by Mr. Hayhurst?
Are you stuffing a chicken with Apple, Sage and Onion, to serve with chicken-giblet gravy?
Damn it, JIm! I’m a Mountie, not a fairground clairvoyant.
Yours Truly
Mr Mountie
