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What is the most effective way to kill and avoid mosquito bites?

Dear Mr Mountie,

What is the most effective way to kill and avoid mosquito bites?

but not using mosquito coils (don't like smell), not having to wear repellent
or swat them.

Dear David
Finally a question that this Mountie was borne to answer.

There are two ways of ridding oneself from the irritant that is the bite of
the mosquito.

I have reluctantly decided to share with you the secret of the northern scandinavian
settlers, who for centuries have managed to avoid the sensation of a mosquito

All you have to do (and it's best to do this early in life, around the age
of 14 - 16 years, a time when man is daring and foolish, and traditionally
goes through rites of passage) is to strip completely naked and lie down in
bog. Lie still for twelve to eighteen hours. Do not attempt to move.

The mosquitos, thriving in the wet marshland, will fest upon your body, but,
miracuoulosly, when you emerge you will be totally immune from mosquito bites,
the little beasts will show no further interest in you.

The other way to avoid mosquitos is to chainsmoke high tar unfiltered cigarettes.
You need to smoke at least 80 a day.
Yours Truly
Mr Mountie

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