This week Uncle Tweed has been spending time in the dusty archives of the British Patent Office.
Led in the right direction by Tim Jackson who collects absurd patents, Uncle Tweed found the undisputed Eccentric Inventor Royale - mr A P PEDRICK.
Just consider [his Patent] “PHOTON PUSH-PULL RADIATION DETECTOR FOR USE IN CHROMATICALLY SELECTIVE CAT FLAP CONTROL AND 1000 MEGATON EARTH-ORBITAL PEACE-KEEPING BOMB” - the invention that would secure world peace once and for all, which he created in collaboration with his cat Ginger.
This excerpt is taken from the Patent Application:
1, ARTHUR PAUL PEDRICK, British subject, 77. Hillfield Road, Selsey, Sussex, do hereby declare the invention, for which I pray that a patent may be granted to me, and the method by which it is to be performed, to be particularly described in and by the following statement: :—- This invention is concerned with’ a device, which will respond with considerable sensitivity to specific intensities of radiant energy to which it may be exposed, and thus may be used for a number of applications in which it is required to carry out an operation in response tq specific emissions of the strength of the so—called “electromagnetic wave”, to which it is directed but, in particular it can be used
(1) To detect the difference in the colour of the fur on the back of a cat wishing to gain entrance to’ a house by means of a “chromatically selective cat flap”, to thus admit to a house a cat which has GINGER fur, but exclude a cat with BLACK fur. and.
(2) To provide, in an Earth Orbital 1,000 Megaton Complete Nuclear Disinte gration or “CND” Bomb Automatic Reprisal Satellite Bomb, forming part of an Automatic Response Nuclear Deterrent System, or ARNDS System for short as described in UK Patent No. 1,361,962, means for detecting withlcertainty, whether a nuclear attack has been made on the surface of the Earth below it, and to determine from which part of the Earth’s surface, the attack has originated, to activate a reensryP through the air layer to detonate the 1000 Megaton Bomb on that country’or state, whose govern mentl has originated the Nuclear attack, the purpose of the system being to obtain the release of deuterium and tritium from stocks of thermonuclear weapons for peaceful use of the energy therein represented by Einstein’s equation E = mc2
Uncle Tweed is amazed that the patent wasn’t validated.
Appearently the examiners in the British Patent Office filed to invalidate the patent application based on the fact that the cat, Ginger was not listed on the patent as a co-inventor.